Gaslighting in relationships: what it is and how to recognize it

The word "gaslighting" is usually used by psychologists. In everyday life, it is rarely heard. However, many encounter it in relationships, simply not knowing the exact definition of the term. Nevertheless, it is important and necessary to be aware of it.

The name of this term originated from the American film "Gaslight". In the plot, a villain, eager to seize the jewels of a deceased opera singer, deceitfully marries her niece and persuades her to move into her aunt's house.

There, he tries to find the hidden treasure, which he believes is somewhere in the attic. To prevent his wife Paula from suspecting anything, he devises an ingenious plan. The aim of this plan is to drive the young woman insane and thus eliminate the heir.

Every evening he supposedly goes to work. In reality, he sneaks into the house from across the street. When he turns on the light on one side of the building, the gas lamps in Paula's rooms begin to dim. But when she asks her husband to fix the lighting, he insists that the lamps are fine. That they are shining brightly. And that Paula "just imagined" it.

He does not stop there. He regularly makes Paula doubt her own memory and sanity. He is so convincing that Paula begins to believe in her own madness. As does everyone around her.

In the film, everything ends well; the girl is saved, and the villain is sent to jail. However, the overarching message of this story lies not in the plot itself, but in the behavior of the man. After all, similar situations, albeit in a somewhat "lightened" version, are often encountered in relationships today.

Essentially, gaslighting is a form of psychological violence in which a person is deliberately misled. They are convinced that they have forgotten or mixed something up. And they are gradually led to think that something is wrong with them.

Gaslighting often manifests in abusive relationships. It can be said that this is one of the favorite tactics of abusers. The horror of this violence lies in its imperceptibility. You are not just being deceived – they are gradually trying to destroy you as a person.

This can start small. Your partner promised to do something but didn't. When you point this out, they claim they promised nothing at all. And that there was no such conversation.

Or perhaps they did something wrong in the past – but after some time, they assert that you simply made up that situation. And they tell others the same thing.

If phrases like "you're imagining things," "that never happened," or "what are you making up?" are common in your relationship – it's a serious cause for concern.

Remember, a great tragedy can start from a small problem. Don't brush it off and let everything slide.

Don't forget that both partners in a relationship are adults. And they must treat each other with respect.

If someone begins to convince you of memory lapses or hallucinations, and you are absolutely sure of your sanity – remove this person from your life. For at the very least, they are disrespecting you and treating you like a child. At most – they are looking for ways to control you.

In any case, the conversation about happy, trusting relationships is no longer relevant.

Have you encountered gaslighting? How did you act in that situation? And what do you think about it?

The word "gaslighting" is usually used by psychologists. In everyday life, it is rarely heard. However, many encounter it in relationships, simply not knowing the exact definition of the term. Nevertheless, it is important and necessary to be aware of it.

The name of this term originated from the American film "Gaslight". In the plot, a villain, eager to seize the jewels of a deceased opera singer, deceitfully marries her niece and persuades her to move into her aunt's house.

There, he tries to find the hidden treasure, which he believes is somewhere in the attic. To prevent his wife Paula from suspecting anything, he devises an ingenious plan. The aim of this plan is to drive the young woman insane and thus eliminate the heir.

Every evening he supposedly goes to work. In reality, he sneaks into the house from across the street. When he turns on the light on one side of the building, the gas lamps in Paula's rooms begin to dim. But when she asks her husband to fix the lighting, he insists that the lamps are fine. That they are shining brightly. And that Paula "just imagined" it.

He does not stop there. He regularly makes Paula doubt her own memory and sanity. He is so convincing that Paula begins to believe in her own madness. As does everyone around her.

In the film, everything ends well; the girl is saved, and the villain is sent to jail. However, the overarching message of this story lies not in the plot itself, but in the behavior of the man. After all, similar situations, albeit in a somewhat "lightened" version, are often encountered in relationships today.

Essentially, gaslighting is a form of psychological violence in which a person is deliberately misled. They are convinced that they have forgotten or mixed something up. And they are gradually led to think that something is wrong with them.

Gaslighting often manifests in abusive relationships. It can be said that this is one of the favorite tactics of abusers. The horror of this violence lies in its imperceptibility. You are not just being deceived – they are gradually trying to destroy you as a person.

This can start small. Your partner promised to do something but didn't. When you point this out, they claim they promised nothing at all. And that there was no such conversation.

Or perhaps they did something wrong in the past – but after some time, they assert that you simply made up that situation. And they tell others the same thing.

If phrases like "you're imagining things," "that never happened," or "what are you making up?" are common in your relationship – it's a serious cause for concern.

Remember, a great tragedy can start from a small problem. Don't brush it off and let everything slide.

Don't forget that both partners in a relationship are adults. And they must treat each other with respect.

If someone begins to convince you of memory lapses or hallucinations, and you are absolutely sure of your sanity – remove this person from your life. For at the very least, they are disrespecting you and treating you like a child. At most – they are looking for ways to control you.

In any case, the conversation about happy, trusting relationships is no longer relevant.

Have you encountered gaslighting? How did you act in that situation? And what do you think about it?